Watashi wa Hitori
by FluffyChibi
Summary: All Uruha wants is Aoi to tell him that he loves him... Maybe then he'll feel a little better.. And why does Uruha think Aoi's leaving him? /URUHA POV
1. Chapter 1

I'm All Alone, Uruha/Aoi fic ^_^

random fic I did just now, be warned!

basic fic on life..

poor Uruha. :'(

**Summary:** Why is he doing this to me? /Uruha's POV

**Warnings: **based on something that happened to me, angst, sadness, hurt, pain, etc etc etc :o

**Pairings:** Uruha/Aoi, Aoi/Reita, Ruki/Kai (later on)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the GazettE in any wa- KAI! THAT IS NOT FOOD! :(

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><p>I walk in the cold empty street.<p>

A few thoughts crossing over my mind.. But nothing much.

There are those times where.. You don't think anyone understands you.

How everything seems to just rush by you, and you're the only one left feeling confused.

I get that feeling a lot.

Everyone's becoming so _distant _lately.

I haven't heard from Kai in a while.. He's been to busy hanging out with his other friends to care about me, probably.

Even my Aoi seems to not care about me.. He's been hanging out with that damned Reita.. I want to tell Aoi that how he ignores me sometimes and keeps going off with Reita makes me feel so sad, but I don't want to ruin things for him. I know Aoi and Reita have been best friends since high-school or whatever, but.. could they ever spare a thought about me?

I make people feel sad.

I have a too dramatic life.

Everyone knows I had an eating disorder, which Aoi got _so angry _about, but they don't know I still don't eat.

I cut myself.

I hurt myself a lot, because I _deserve _it. I'm a stupid person, at least that's what everyone thinks.

It's raining.

I left my umbrella at me and Aoi's house.. by the front door.

For some reason I.. Don't want to go to Aoi's house.

Reita keeps coming over.. They leave me out, tell me they want to be left.. Do they not know I have feelings too?

Aoi and I were on the computer looking at funny videos like we do every Saturday.. But this time he didn't hold my hand or lock my leg with his, or even lean on me like he always does, to make me feel safe, he just.. leant back and folded his arms, and basically ignored my presence.

The rain's getting heavier by the second.

I break it to a fast walk as I travel along the pavement.

I wonder if Aoi's texted me?

I scramble around in my coat pocket, taking out my phone.

Oh.

He didn't text me at all.

A text asking where I was would have been nice.

I wonder if I should send him a text, but I always do.. It might annoy him.

I keep getting the feeling that I annoy him.

The house is in sight.

I walk closer to the house, shivering from the sudden gusts of wind.

It's so cold...

I reach the door, and taking a nervous breath, I ring the doorbell.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

There's no answer.

I knock on the door.

Aoi can't have left.. I told him this morning I hadn't got my key!

Maybe he.. forgot..

Maybe he's starting to forget about me.

Maybe..

I decide to get out my phone.

I hover for a while before deciding what to write.

The rain is still pouring.

"Aoi, I told you this morning I didn't have my key... I'm locked outside &its raining! Love you.. 3 3"

I check the text to see if it looks okay, then send it.

No reply.

Maybe I wrote something bad?

Maybe he's ignoring me.

What if he's with Reita?

I sigh softly.

My phone vibrates in my already shaking hands.

He replied.

"Uruha, it's in the plantpot, didn't u hear me this morning? ."

That was all he said.

He sounded a little pissed off.

I told him I loved him.. Does he not love me back?

This feeling hurts.

A sinking feeling in my heart.

I look around with my aching heart and spot something shiny buried in the soil of the plantpot.

I take it out.

The key!

I unlock the door and walk inside.

Shutting the door I look around.

Silence.

Oops.

I should reply to Aoi's text.

"Okay! Thank you! I'm inside now! Where are you, by the way?3"

I guess that's an.. alright-ish text..

He doesn't reply to that anyway.

I sigh and throw my phone onto the couch, where it lands with a soft "floop" sound.

I like that sound.

I walk to the couch and pick up my phone, and drop it back down again.

"Floop".

It's fun.

I stop as soon as I realise how stupid I look, and sigh.

I really want to know where Aoi is.

I walk into the kitchen and pour a glass of water.

The clock says 10pm.

Aoi's still not back!

I'm so worried.

I think he is sleeping around Reita's.

Damn bastard.

Reita's stupid.

Stupid, Stupid, Stuuppiddd.

For taking away MY Aoi.

He's MINE.

But Aoi's more happier around Reita.

Everything's so confusing.. It almost gives me a headache.

I would do anything to be a 12 year old teenager again.

No worries.

No love.

No troubles.

Nothing.

Sometimes I want to hurt Aoi like he hurts me, so he can realise that I am hurt.

Sometimes when I'm alone, I hate Aoi.

But whenever I see his face, he's forgiven.

That's what love does to you, I guess.

It's practise tomorrow.

I wonder if I'll see him then.

I wonder.

I go upstairs and tuck myself into bed.. alone.

All alone.

I'm alone.

Aoi _knows _that I hate being alone.

I always need someone near me.

He's not here though.

He used to ask someone else to sleep at our house whenever he was away.

I liked that.

But what about now?

Is he really starting to forget about me?

I sniff under the cover in the empty, cold house, feeling the shadows creep up on me.

I've never been left alone.

Not in 6 years.

This feeling.. So lonely.. So Sad.. So scary..

I feel something grab at my leg.

I scream and thrash about wildy.

I calm down after a bit, my heart racing wildly, and rest under the covers, weeping quietly.

Why is no one here?

Why can't I be strong?

Why do I get the feeling Aoi is going to leave me?

Why am I crying?

Why am I all alone?

So many questions.. They give me a headache.

I'm so retarted.

I hate everything about myself.

Why was I born.

I finally get to sleep at about 3am, after being kept up by the scary noises and the feeling I have.

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><p>I WARNED YOU! Mehehehe.<p>

this story is actually based on something that _exactly _happened to me...

Well, I hope you enjoyed!:3

rate&review!


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter!

haha up in the second day ^_^

well, hope you enjoy!

favourite, review, read, you know what to do :) it would mean a lot :D

ITS TIME TO READ!

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><p>I wake up, but don't get out of bed.<p>

I just lie there.

My eyes are closed.

I can feel a lump next no me!

It's Aoi!

I roll over onto the lump, which is surprisingly short..

I open my eyes.

Oh.

It's my teddy bear.

Damn it.

For a second I actually believed it was Aoi.

So.. He slept over at Reita's or somewhere.

I sniff, tears forming in my eyes as I pick up my teddy and throw it against a wall.

I hate that teddy!

It fooled me, pretending to be Aoi!

Who can I trust?

For fuck sake!

I drag myself out of bed and walk to the bathroom, splashing water on my face.

I have a lot of bags under my eyes.

I only got about 2 hours of sleep.

I walk out of the bathroom, get dressed and go downstairs, waking myself up mentally.

I yawn and eat some cereal, which is a little soft but I don't mind.

There's no milk.

But I don't like milk anyway, so that's fine.

Just, I won't have any hot chocolate.

I suddenly think of an idea that Aoi and I do when we run out of milk!

I run over and heat the kettle, then get some ribena, and pour it into the bubbling water.

I haven't done this before..

OW!

The metal kettle burnt me and I dropped it on the floor.

I sit down, more tears forming in my eyes because It hurts.

So.

Much.

_Why am I so __**stupid!**_

I wonder to myself as I stand up and stare at the mess, my fingers and leg burning with pain.

Sniffing, I cry softly as I walk to get a towel, and throw it on the mess.

I sigh and then walk out the room to change out of my shorts to get some trousers , so no one sees.

But I can't play the guitar with these burning hands!

I keep crying.

I look at my phone in the corner, and a bubble of panic forms in my rib-cage.

I remember we have practise today.

Damn it!

I run and get changed as quick as I can, grab my guitar, throw it in the car and drive to practise.

I am at least 30 minutes late.

I can't help it!

I've always been bad at getting read

Damn it!

I run and get changed as quick as I can, grab my guitar, throw it in the car and drive to practise.

I am at least 30 minutes late.

I can't help it!

I've always been bad at getting ready on time.

Aoi keeps crossing my mind as I drive the journey.

I wonder what I'll say to him!

I think that... I think I'm going to ignore everyone at practise today.

I'm not in the mood.

I'm, sad, grumpy, tired, and I feel so so hurt.

And betrayed.

And angry.

Very angry.

I want to punch something.

I'm an idiot.

I'm all alone.

Why do I have to be the retarded one?

I park in the car park, grab my guitar, and walk to the building.

My angry mood is taking over me.

My body hurts.

I hate kettles.

They're stupid.

Useless.

Who needs hot drinks?

I open the door loudly, and slam it hard to vent my anger.

I sit a few places away from everyone else, who just stop their conversations.

And look at me.

Yeah, that's right, look at the angry kid!

Don't even care about me!

I'm just invisible!

Leave me!

I get out my guitar and place it on my lap.

My fingers aren't that bad!

They didn't burn badly or anything..

Just a little red, that's all.

Someone's trying to talk to me, but I don't care.

I just keep playing my guitar.

I'm lost in my world.

I play the most complicated song I can think of.

I suddenly stop and realise this is a practise.

Everyone should be playing this!

"Let's rehearse."

I say, in a low but loud voice.

I walk up to the stage.

On the farthest side.

Next to no one, except _Reita._

He gives me a look, and I look back, but meaner.

He shrugs and turns away, talking to Aoi, who looks at me.

Doesn't he know that _he _caused this?

He left me all alone?

I hear Ruki shout "1, 2, 3, go!"

And I start playing.

I don't care what song it is.

I don't care that everyone is staring at me.

Ruki sighs, and holds up his hand, telling everyone to stop.

He grabs my arm and I stop, and look at him.

His eyes widen as he looks into mine.

"Have... You been crying?"

He says, and I hear everyone gasp.

"None of your business Ruki."

I reply, looking down.

Ruki's not meant to care!

Aoi is!

Not Ruki!

Aoi should have noticed that!

Ruki puts his arm around me and pushes me to a corner of the room.

"Uruha.. Aoi was at Reita's yesterday, writing a song with me! If that's why you wanted to know where he was."

Ruki whispered into my ear.

I draw in a breath.

That still doesn't answer my questions though!

Although I feel better.

"But... He left me.. Alone.."

I whisper to him back, my old tears forming again, but not falling.

Never falling.

Ruki suddenly grabs me into a tight hug, kissing my forehead.

"Haha, Is that why you're upset Uruha?"

He guesses at me.

My anger rises more.

I break from the hug, look at him and start shouting.

Not caring about that the other members were all behind me.

"NO RUKI! HE LEFT ME! I HAVENT BEEN LEFT ALONE IN 6 YEARS! DONT YOU GET IT? FUCK SAKE! HE'S BECOMING MORE FARTHER AWAY AND IM SCARED HE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS? IT FUCKING HURTS OKAY? AND I HATE IT! I HATE IT! EVERYONE HATES ME!"

I rage, angry and sad tears forming down my cheeks.

I turn around and see Aoi standing there, his eyes filled with tears, his hands on his mouth.

I look at everyone else, then back to Ruki.

"See?"

I sob, then run out, grabbing my guitar on the way which I left, running to the car, and sitting in it.

Crying.

I expect Aoi to come out, tell me he's sorry, that he won't do it again.

He doesn't come.

I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

He's not coming.

I need the pain.

I need to let out all my pain.

I drive home, ignoring stupid looks from stupid people as I drive past them.

I get home.

I go inside the bathroom.

I lock the door.

I stare into the mirror.

I look at myself.

I see a worthless, stupid, idiot.

Stupid.

That's what I am.

That's my nickname!

I look around for the razor, or a sharp bit of metal.

I end up finding a small scrap of metal, but it's enough.

I gulp, scared.

But I deserve this.

I'm stupid.

I sigh.

And press it onto my arm.

And drag.

Pain.

This is what my pain feels on the outside.

Maybe my pain and heartbreak and sadness will come out.

Along with the blood.

I hear a banging at the door.

It's probably the postman.

I fill up a bath of cold water, and then jump into it.

Cold.

Like ice.

Some people's hearts are like ice.

Cold, and it hurts you if you attach on it for too long.

But sometimes, you can't get off ice.

You put your fingers on it, and they won't come off.

You have to force yourself off.

Even then, they still have bits of ice on.

I sink into it, getting goosebumps.

Everything freezes.

Time.

Me.

My pain.

This feels.. nice.

It hurts though.

I don't mind.

The cut's stinging.

That's Aoi, hurting me more.

I pick at the cut, making it bleed more.

This is peaceful.

I shut my eyes and sigh.

Peace.

There's banging at the bathroom door.

Can they just shut up?

I lie there and think.

Someone's scratching at the door and calling my name.

Go away!

I want to yell.

I'm weak though.

Suddenly the bathroom door bursts open.

My eyes are still shut.

My body isn't moving.

Maybe they'll think I'm dead.

Hmm.

I hope they do.

All of a sudden my body gets yanked up, and hauled into the arms of someone.

My clothes are still on.

Sodden.

I recognise who the hug is from by the smell.

Aoi.

I smile faintly and place my hand on his chest, the water weakened them.

We stay like that for a while, until he lifts me up and wraps a towel around me.

Hugging me tight so I don't fall down.

It's a while before he says something.

"Don't ever do this again, Uruha. I'm sorry."

He whispers into my ear, rubbing my back up and down.

This... Is relaxing.

I shut my eyes as he lifts me to put me on the bed.

But he doesn't do anything.

He just puts me there and walks out the room.

He returns a few minutes later, with a bandage and some cream.

He rubs it on my shoulder.

It hurts a lot.

He then bandages it up, and kisses my forehead.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone, Uruha.. I didn't know."

Aoi says, wrapping me into a warm hug.

We stay like that for a while.

Almost forever.

I like this feeling.

A lot.

Aoi...

Never let go.


End file.
